i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
