If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
