Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
