my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
