It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
