New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
