I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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