How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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