my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Randomize
