Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
