My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Houston, we have a squirter
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
