when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
