I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
