even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
