I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
