I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
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For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.