I feel like abortions should bother me more
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
