I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.