Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
