Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
