Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I touched a dick in church today
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
