at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
