Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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