Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
