I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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