official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
