so that wasnt chicken after all
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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