you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
