Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
