she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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