STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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