Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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