Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
