Please, let me fuck your mom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
