he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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