In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
