I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
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I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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