I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
