im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
3pm strippers are depressing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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