glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
