I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
