Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
