Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
