plz talk dirty to me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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