: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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