Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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