The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
