Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize