Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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