You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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