a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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