in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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