it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
