I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
