oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
