i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
