Already got asked if we're dating
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
