My cat gives me a boner
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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