just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
