I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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