Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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