Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
