Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
