How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
