just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
