Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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