I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
