Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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