Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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