I'll bet she douches with gravy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
