Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
